My Thoughts on the USA Credit Downgrading

My blog is a lot like a slinky – very captivating at first, but becomes very dull and repetitive once the initial novelty of it wears off. To jazz things up, I tried bringing in a guest writer and even changed up the entire theme of the site. After I had a breakthrough spiritual epiphany this last weekend, I came to realize that cheap gimmicks like these won’t improve the quality of my writings, and consequently, of my readers’ interest in my work. Namely, I was hanging out with a group of friends and trying to think of a particularly embarrassing insult to say to one of the guys. The conversation was bouncing all around so I had time to think this one over. Should I call him a pea brain? Naa, that’s played out. A joke about suicide? Possibly. Then it hit me. I don’t need to say anything about this pea-brain, because I’m already better than him. The only thing he is worthy of is my silent pity. Hence the revitalization I will be pursuing regarding the future of this blog. I’ll no longer have to degrade others in order to elevate my own status. I’m already so high above everyone in an unreachable stratosphere of artistic wordsmith mastery that disrespecting others will no longer be necessary.

Just kidding. I’m bitter as ever, and to think for a second that I could continue to live and breathe as Bekir Yilabilir without intermittently poking fun at people on a website I specifically designed for that purpose is like thinking that the USA still has a AAA credit rating just because Obama said so – it’s slightly unrealistic. First up at bat, Liam Setzkelly.

I used to wear a monocle and watch BBC News as I sipped on scolding hot tea. There was a segment called No Comment in which they would show a clip with no added commentary – the understanding being that the clip was so ridiculous/unique/upsetting that no commentary could do it justice. I wanted to practice a similar approach regarding this striking photo of Liam, but decided against it because I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t write at least two demeaning things about it.

1) If I were put in charge of the publication of the MAAA Magazine (Mothers Against Alcohol Abuse), I would use this picture on the front cover. I’m confident that any adolescent to lay eyes on this atrocity would swear off alcohol indefinitely. Liam successfully took everything cool about binge drinking and turned into this . . . this thing which could suck the tits out of any party. He looks gray, defeated, and most importantly, unattractively pale.

2) Are those leopard print swimming trunks? Giraffe print? I’m not even trying to be an ass here I’m just really curious. Let me know what the fuck those are when you read this.

I’m going to end this one abruptly before this turns into a fashion critique. On the real though, that’s all I got.

NOTE: That’s not really a picture of me wearing a monocle. I drew the monocle in using Microsoft Paint, for those of you who were left baffled at first.